have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Randomize
