Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I hate all girls vehemently.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
