drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
