I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
