1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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