Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize