Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize