you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We just shotgunned beers for America
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
