There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
