I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
