I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
