the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
