he puts the penis in happiness.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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