Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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