her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
