So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
