CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
