Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He better not be in your backpack
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
