you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize