u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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