i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i think im in europe. pls send help
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize