I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
it was like eating out sand paper
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Come see our sink grown plant.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
