He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
