You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
