Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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