i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
