mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
