He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Your penis caused this!
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