Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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