You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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