you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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