Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
