Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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