I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
