She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
