Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
