my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
