She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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