There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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