my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
