No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
