We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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