But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
