I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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