thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
That accounts for only three of the penises
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
