u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
home. puking in laundry basket.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
