When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
