i already hear my dad disowning me
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
