I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
