My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
