I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I checked into jail on foursquare
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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