I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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