No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
