We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
