dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
