I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
