The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
