you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
