Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
