She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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