I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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