Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
