a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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