We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
