So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
