there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
