I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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