"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
