My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
